Max thinks the code to steal the hundred million dollars on the island is “Helena”. Yeah, and the code for stealing milk from babies is “Waagh”. Christie calls him out for being an idiot and wisely takes over the operation. Meanwhile, we see that Weatherby is spying on Britney-Helena from behind a pole. Weatherby you know the rules, no harassing the island’s mental patients. Don’t make me set Bayman on you. I doubt your flip flops are up to the task of knocking him out.
Triumphant violin romance music plays as Britney-Helena turns around. Rose petals come out of nowhere, surrounding his goddess, as Weatherby whips off his glasses as she jumps in his arms as they dance in increasingly white bred ways. They're one step short of doing The Carlton.
Ahchoo! Weatherby's nosebleed enters bullet time.
He has all the pulling ability you might expect from a gimp, but his creepy behaviour miraculously works on Britney- Helena. Proving once and for all that she is insane. That and she can’t seem to remember his name. An easily pronounceable name that she heard two seconds ago. Pronouncing it as "Wallaby".
Still keen on giving away the last remnants of his dignity, Zack tries again on Tina. Does this guy just not get the message? He tries the exact same approach that failed the last ten times. of talking down to her, calling her “baby” and saying “You know you wanna dance with me.” in a patronising voice as if she’s supposed to forget that only five minutes ago he was cussing her out. The result? Tina roundhouse kicks him to the face. Alright, that was uncalled for. These two characters are trying desperately hard to be the most unsympathetic in the movie. Just when one appears to be slightly more sympathetic than the other, they ratchet up the nastiness quicker than a piranha to the crotch. They truly do deserve each other.
Alright, let's do this thing, I'm drunk and we've got that long before the end of our careers.
Zack and Tina organise their match for tomorrow, as Zack’s blue balls are weighing him down at the moment. They’re to fight in a place called “The Forbidden Square”, although why it’s forbidden I have no idea. How they’re allowed to fight in a square that’s forbidden is also beyond me. As the sun rises, we get to see two characters that that we have no interest in, hanging from wires and fighting. Hmm, Tina is one of the stars on the movie's poster, has top billing, is a woman who has been harrassed by this obnoxious guy since his introduction, and one of the themes of this film, is girl power. Gee, I wonder who's gonna win?
Tina wins. Never saw it coming!
For, the coup de grace, there’s a tweety bird sound effect to accompany her knock out punch. Again, if they wanted to make a cartoon, or even a 3D animated movie, than why didn’t they just do that? It would have been a thousand times more authentic than this ugly hybrid of live action meets cartoon effects.
Zack actually thanks Tina afterward, and apologises for “messing” with her. Yeah because a guy like him is likely to apologise and shake hands after being humiliated by a girl in a fight. Oh well at least this subplot is finally over. Can the A plot kick in now? Pretty please?
If you're a professional fighter and you lose to a girl in denim, who by trade, only fights in scripted matches... it's time to rethink your life.
Now we get to what is undoubtedly the worst fight of the movie. Christie vs. Britney Helena. It’s shot in the most artsy fartsy way you can imagine and repeatedly cuts to Holly Vallance staring into space for no reason at all. When it’s on, the fight choreography seems alright, but it's swiftly ruined by the strange editing and abuse of slow motion. At first Christie’s on top, than suddenly Britney-Helena, then suddenly Christie. Cut to Christie looking bored, then suddenly Britney- Helena, and so on. Excuse me for a minute:
WHAT’S THE POINT OF THEM EVEN FIGHTING IF WE CAN’T TELL WHAT’S GOING ON. YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THEM FIGHT OFFSCREEN AND DECLARE A WINNER THAT WAY.
So to cut a long story short.
Christie‘s dominatrix powers manage to overwhelm Britney-Helena’s level of Super Loon. Yay for her. The thief manages to remember the code tattoo from her opponent’s neck and writes it on a piece of paper with perfect precision. That's right, fighting Britney Helena was so easy, that Christie could afford to stare at the back of her opponent's neck for half the fight. Though what was the point of Fame Douglas putting the code for his one hundred million dollar bank vault on the back of his daughter’s neck in mirror reverse? Unless his goal was to help out potential thieves.
She's yanking her so hard she's actualy taking off. Maybe she'll land in a better movie.
The three protagonists finally wise up to the fact that they’re annoying the audience by dragging their feet, and they finally, FINALLY decide to start the film’s third act. Hallelujah.
Ugh, I think the movie heard me.
So we’re back to more banal dialogue between two mad people. Weatherby complains about the stairs, and says he’s tired. Britney Helena rocks back and forth about how she lost to Christie and how the voices won’t stop. Oh wait, that’s just Weatherby’s whining. Never mind.
Kasumi, Christie and Tina wander into the Pervology cave, not once stopping to wonder how or why it was so easy for them to get in. They marvel at all the computers and gadgets, and realise that they’re in the presence of the next generation of pervert technology. They find Mullet taking a nap, passed out from having an erection the entire time. Instead of picking him up and high tailing it out of there, they all sit down and ask a man to groggy to even speak what’s going on. While gas is filling the room. Smart.
Weatherby tells Britney-Helena about the root cause of her babbling. That her father, Fame Douglas was killed by Pervology. For kicks, Dr Pervology decides to send an entire legion of his best warriors to kill them, but something is amiss with Britney-Helena…
The tragic revelation, along with no longer taking her medicine, causes the restraints on her power level to be undone, and the transformation to Super Freak Level 2! Meaning she goes ape and pounds Pervology's goons into oblivion. Wow! Weatherby decides he wants in, and get’s his fist punched by someone’s face. Not so impressive.
No, Helena. The pointy end goes into the man.
Mullet and the three bimbos have somehow captured themselves and find themselves bound in the prisons from Minority Report. A trippy Dr. Pervology walks in, and shows them more peeping tom gadgetry. This is the central plot point of the film. The entire reason he invited them to DoA in the first place and the entire reason any of us are here right now.
Dr. Pervology puts on his funky looking cyber shades, and “starts the download”. Er, now really isn’t the time to download your porn, fella. A red light flashes on his sunshades, causing red alerts to go off in the caverns of his island. Weatherby remarks that the download has begun. Why would the doctor have blaring alarms start the moment he began his illegal download? So Weatherby and Britney-Helena can know it's happening and stop him of course! There literally is no other reason.
But it turns out it’s not porn he’s downloading, it’s the “nanobot harvest” , or in English, he’s downloading data on each fighter’s moves to his sunshades. Okay, I’m not sure what possible use that is, but let’s see where this goes.
Britney-Helena and Weatherby walk further into the compound, followed by Max. They find a computer terminal, and Weatherby’s “on it”. Whatever that‘s supposed to mean.
Pervology then says he’s “Been waiting a year for this”, and that he “Kept him in superb fighting condition’’, and by “him”, he means Hayate. When the doors pull back, we see that Pervology keeps him shackled to a wall, so given that he can’t even move, how “superb” he can be, is still in debate.
Hilariously, the movie flashes back to Kasumi’s sexual fantasy at this late stage. Kasumi literally orgasms now that the hero of her fantasies is within view. The reason for this flashback is painfully obvious, Hayate in these end scenes, now sports a buzz cut as opposed to the long girly hair of Kasumi’s fantasy. Why a movie that is targeted for teens and adults given it's plethora of sexual themes, needs to hold it's audience's hands so much is beyond me.
Hayate and Kasumi gush over each other as if the slash fic writers need any more ammunition. Pervology again goes on about how Hayate is the word’s greatest warrior with perfect skills and that he is all that. Despite the fact that Hayate doesn't regularly attend tournaments to prove it. In fact he's only competed in one, the previous DOA. The movie seems hell bent on establishing that Hayate’s some kind of superman, so let’s just go with it.
Dr. Pervology then decides to challenge this specimen of a man to a fight (!)
Plothole #87633827879 - Dr Victor Donovan. The man who uses his ten million dollars as the prize for a martial arts tournament where he steals their moves as a supervillain. Due to him taking all the fighters out of the tournament after the second round by force, clearly DOA isn't publicised, nor does he have any sponsors, so the winner doesn't have any guarantees he'll even give them the prize money. He puts the DOA brand logo on everything, despite the fact that nobody is watching this tournament. He has one hundred million dollars in his vault, owns his own island, has hundreds of employees, and yet doesn't simply pay the fighters for their moves.
Now that's assuming the sunshades work.
Logic - Doctor Victor Donovan is pretty old and out of shape from the looks of things. Would you agree?
- Completely. Just look at him.
Logic - While this movie has gone above and beyond to establish Hayate as a fine physical specimen. So in a fair fight, there should be no contest. Hayate should easily pound Dr. Donovan into the ground. Right?
- Of course.
Logic - Then the only established factor, that can help Donovan is the sunshades plot device. This has the moves displayed by all of the fighters so far in the competition, which enable him to predict the future moves of those fighters because of the nanobots in their systems. It’s a lot of moves, but none of them are useful against Hayate. Hayate’s data is useful in predicting only what Hayate will do, if we are to follow movie logic.
- Yep.
Logic - Then what’s the use of these glasses in random encounters? Unless he plans to put nanobots and download data on every fighter in the world? It seems like a very long, very expensive and very convoluted way to gain the ability to beat such a limited amount of people in hand to hand combat, and yet later we see Donovan selling this useless technology to international buyers. It’s usefulness is further diminished considering we live in an age of guns.
Logic - It's also impossible for a computer, any computer, to know with absolute certainty, what moves a fighter will perform before he even begins to make them. It would require the computer to compile data on the fighter for many years, or even a lifetime to even begin to estimate what move the fighter might pull off before any moves are made. I’m talking single moves, yet this movie, is trying to tell us that these sunshades can predict entire fights before the fights even start based on the moves a particular fighter displayed over a mere three rounds of combat.
Logic - Even if Donovan could somehow predict whole fights, that alone won’t help him when multiple fists come flying his way. He still needs to be physically strong and fast enough to be able to intercept all of those strikes and counter all those holds. He needs to watch the moves play out with his glasses, causing many blind spots in his vision where he is completely vulnerable to attack. Yet in the movie we see that he is never caught by this trap. He needs to then process that short film the glasses just showed him in his brain, and he still needs to invent and deploy moves of his own to actually beat his opponents.
Logic - For him to make use of the glasses, even if they could accurately show him the fights before they happen, which is impossible in it’s own right, would require him to have a photographic memory, lightning fast cognitive processing abilities, the reflexes of a cat, flawless combat technique and peak human strength, speed, and endurance. In short, he would have to be super human.
Logic - It’s important to note that the sunshades would severely limit his vision and won't stay on his head in a fight.
- The glasses has a camera in it that lets him see!
Logic - A camera does not record an image at the exact same time that an image is taking place in reality. There is a slight delay in the recording, which we must subtract from Donovan’s reflex time, which is already tiny as it is, to the point where I’m pretty certain that the camera’s lag time actually slightly exceeds the time that Donovan has to react against a peak human fighter like Hayate. Never mind the others, who he later fights all at once.
Logic - We see that when the sunshade’s video of Hayate’s fight prediction comes in, Dr Donovan adapts his moves to easily beat Hayate, who’s moves throughout the real fight, are the exact same as what was predicted by the sunshades. This is ridiculous because as Donovan adapts his moves, than logically, Hayate, being a gifted fighter, would adapt his style and change his moves to counter Donovan’s adaptation, and so the original fight prediction would be rendered useless. This entire technology relies on fights being more simple than a game of rock paper scissors.
Alright there we go. The crowing jewel of suck. This movie wasn’t exactly Citizen Kane to start with, in fact it was an outright terrible experience, but not that far and away below other bad movies. This plot hole of plot holes however, turns the entire premise into an irredemable mess. This is film making at it very worst.
Pervology kicks Hayate into the wooden nightmare of a tower that the bimbo trio made a hash of trying to climb earlier. Hayate is falling to his death but Wiggy however comes out of nowhere and somehow catches a fully grown man who has already fallen some thirteen stories. The movie knows full well how stupid this is, and again cheats by having Wiggy catch him in a completely implausible way. When he’s falling, we can see there’s nothing but empty space and certain death underneath him. Then suddenly she appears, grabs him, and then suddenly there is the solid floor underneath them, and they’re just fine. How in hell did that happen? Teleportation? In the games’ storyline both these characters can teleport, but if they‘re only now giving these character their powers from the games, than why does Hayate even need Wiggy to catch him if he can just teleport to safety himself?
Wiggy then hugs and passionately french kisses her brother, Hayate.
Triumphant violin romance music plays as Britney-Helena turns around. Rose petals come out of nowhere, surrounding his goddess, as Weatherby whips off his glasses as she jumps in his arms as they dance in increasingly white bred ways. They're one step short of doing The Carlton.
Ahchoo! Weatherby's nosebleed enters bullet time.
He has all the pulling ability you might expect from a gimp, but his creepy behaviour miraculously works on Britney- Helena. Proving once and for all that she is insane. That and she can’t seem to remember his name. An easily pronounceable name that she heard two seconds ago. Pronouncing it as "Wallaby".
Still keen on giving away the last remnants of his dignity, Zack tries again on Tina. Does this guy just not get the message? He tries the exact same approach that failed the last ten times. of talking down to her, calling her “baby” and saying “You know you wanna dance with me.” in a patronising voice as if she’s supposed to forget that only five minutes ago he was cussing her out. The result? Tina roundhouse kicks him to the face. Alright, that was uncalled for. These two characters are trying desperately hard to be the most unsympathetic in the movie. Just when one appears to be slightly more sympathetic than the other, they ratchet up the nastiness quicker than a piranha to the crotch. They truly do deserve each other.
Alright, let's do this thing, I'm drunk and we've got that long before the end of our careers.
Zack and Tina organise their match for tomorrow, as Zack’s blue balls are weighing him down at the moment. They’re to fight in a place called “The Forbidden Square”, although why it’s forbidden I have no idea. How they’re allowed to fight in a square that’s forbidden is also beyond me. As the sun rises, we get to see two characters that that we have no interest in, hanging from wires and fighting. Hmm, Tina is one of the stars on the movie's poster, has top billing, is a woman who has been harrassed by this obnoxious guy since his introduction, and one of the themes of this film, is girl power. Gee, I wonder who's gonna win?
Tina wins. Never saw it coming!
For, the coup de grace, there’s a tweety bird sound effect to accompany her knock out punch. Again, if they wanted to make a cartoon, or even a 3D animated movie, than why didn’t they just do that? It would have been a thousand times more authentic than this ugly hybrid of live action meets cartoon effects.
Zack actually thanks Tina afterward, and apologises for “messing” with her. Yeah because a guy like him is likely to apologise and shake hands after being humiliated by a girl in a fight. Oh well at least this subplot is finally over. Can the A plot kick in now? Pretty please?
If you're a professional fighter and you lose to a girl in denim, who by trade, only fights in scripted matches... it's time to rethink your life.
Now we get to what is undoubtedly the worst fight of the movie. Christie vs. Britney Helena. It’s shot in the most artsy fartsy way you can imagine and repeatedly cuts to Holly Vallance staring into space for no reason at all. When it’s on, the fight choreography seems alright, but it's swiftly ruined by the strange editing and abuse of slow motion. At first Christie’s on top, than suddenly Britney-Helena, then suddenly Christie. Cut to Christie looking bored, then suddenly Britney- Helena, and so on. Excuse me for a minute:
WHAT’S THE POINT OF THEM EVEN FIGHTING IF WE CAN’T TELL WHAT’S GOING ON. YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THEM FIGHT OFFSCREEN AND DECLARE A WINNER THAT WAY.
So to cut a long story short.
Christie‘s dominatrix powers manage to overwhelm Britney-Helena’s level of Super Loon. Yay for her. The thief manages to remember the code tattoo from her opponent’s neck and writes it on a piece of paper with perfect precision. That's right, fighting Britney Helena was so easy, that Christie could afford to stare at the back of her opponent's neck for half the fight. Though what was the point of Fame Douglas putting the code for his one hundred million dollar bank vault on the back of his daughter’s neck in mirror reverse? Unless his goal was to help out potential thieves.
She's yanking her so hard she's actualy taking off. Maybe she'll land in a better movie.
The three protagonists finally wise up to the fact that they’re annoying the audience by dragging their feet, and they finally, FINALLY decide to start the film’s third act. Hallelujah.
Ugh, I think the movie heard me.
So we’re back to more banal dialogue between two mad people. Weatherby complains about the stairs, and says he’s tired. Britney Helena rocks back and forth about how she lost to Christie and how the voices won’t stop. Oh wait, that’s just Weatherby’s whining. Never mind.
Kasumi, Christie and Tina wander into the Pervology cave, not once stopping to wonder how or why it was so easy for them to get in. They marvel at all the computers and gadgets, and realise that they’re in the presence of the next generation of pervert technology. They find Mullet taking a nap, passed out from having an erection the entire time. Instead of picking him up and high tailing it out of there, they all sit down and ask a man to groggy to even speak what’s going on. While gas is filling the room. Smart.
Weatherby tells Britney-Helena about the root cause of her babbling. That her father, Fame Douglas was killed by Pervology. For kicks, Dr Pervology decides to send an entire legion of his best warriors to kill them, but something is amiss with Britney-Helena…
The tragic revelation, along with no longer taking her medicine, causes the restraints on her power level to be undone, and the transformation to Super Freak Level 2! Meaning she goes ape and pounds Pervology's goons into oblivion. Wow! Weatherby decides he wants in, and get’s his fist punched by someone’s face. Not so impressive.
No, Helena. The pointy end goes into the man.
Mullet and the three bimbos have somehow captured themselves and find themselves bound in the prisons from Minority Report. A trippy Dr. Pervology walks in, and shows them more peeping tom gadgetry. This is the central plot point of the film. The entire reason he invited them to DoA in the first place and the entire reason any of us are here right now.
Dr. Pervology puts on his funky looking cyber shades, and “starts the download”. Er, now really isn’t the time to download your porn, fella. A red light flashes on his sunshades, causing red alerts to go off in the caverns of his island. Weatherby remarks that the download has begun. Why would the doctor have blaring alarms start the moment he began his illegal download? So Weatherby and Britney-Helena can know it's happening and stop him of course! There literally is no other reason.
But it turns out it’s not porn he’s downloading, it’s the “nanobot harvest” , or in English, he’s downloading data on each fighter’s moves to his sunshades. Okay, I’m not sure what possible use that is, but let’s see where this goes.
Britney-Helena and Weatherby walk further into the compound, followed by Max. They find a computer terminal, and Weatherby’s “on it”. Whatever that‘s supposed to mean.
Pervology then says he’s “Been waiting a year for this”, and that he “Kept him in superb fighting condition’’, and by “him”, he means Hayate. When the doors pull back, we see that Pervology keeps him shackled to a wall, so given that he can’t even move, how “superb” he can be, is still in debate.
Hilariously, the movie flashes back to Kasumi’s sexual fantasy at this late stage. Kasumi literally orgasms now that the hero of her fantasies is within view. The reason for this flashback is painfully obvious, Hayate in these end scenes, now sports a buzz cut as opposed to the long girly hair of Kasumi’s fantasy. Why a movie that is targeted for teens and adults given it's plethora of sexual themes, needs to hold it's audience's hands so much is beyond me.
Hayate and Kasumi gush over each other as if the slash fic writers need any more ammunition. Pervology again goes on about how Hayate is the word’s greatest warrior with perfect skills and that he is all that. Despite the fact that Hayate doesn't regularly attend tournaments to prove it. In fact he's only competed in one, the previous DOA. The movie seems hell bent on establishing that Hayate’s some kind of superman, so let’s just go with it.
Dr. Pervology then decides to challenge this specimen of a man to a fight (!)
Plothole #87633827879 - Dr Victor Donovan. The man who uses his ten million dollars as the prize for a martial arts tournament where he steals their moves as a supervillain. Due to him taking all the fighters out of the tournament after the second round by force, clearly DOA isn't publicised, nor does he have any sponsors, so the winner doesn't have any guarantees he'll even give them the prize money. He puts the DOA brand logo on everything, despite the fact that nobody is watching this tournament. He has one hundred million dollars in his vault, owns his own island, has hundreds of employees, and yet doesn't simply pay the fighters for their moves.
Now that's assuming the sunshades work.
Logic - Doctor Victor Donovan is pretty old and out of shape from the looks of things. Would you agree?
- Completely. Just look at him.
Logic - While this movie has gone above and beyond to establish Hayate as a fine physical specimen. So in a fair fight, there should be no contest. Hayate should easily pound Dr. Donovan into the ground. Right?
- Of course.
Logic - Then the only established factor, that can help Donovan is the sunshades plot device. This has the moves displayed by all of the fighters so far in the competition, which enable him to predict the future moves of those fighters because of the nanobots in their systems. It’s a lot of moves, but none of them are useful against Hayate. Hayate’s data is useful in predicting only what Hayate will do, if we are to follow movie logic.
- Yep.
Logic - Then what’s the use of these glasses in random encounters? Unless he plans to put nanobots and download data on every fighter in the world? It seems like a very long, very expensive and very convoluted way to gain the ability to beat such a limited amount of people in hand to hand combat, and yet later we see Donovan selling this useless technology to international buyers. It’s usefulness is further diminished considering we live in an age of guns.
Logic - It's also impossible for a computer, any computer, to know with absolute certainty, what moves a fighter will perform before he even begins to make them. It would require the computer to compile data on the fighter for many years, or even a lifetime to even begin to estimate what move the fighter might pull off before any moves are made. I’m talking single moves, yet this movie, is trying to tell us that these sunshades can predict entire fights before the fights even start based on the moves a particular fighter displayed over a mere three rounds of combat.
Logic - Even if Donovan could somehow predict whole fights, that alone won’t help him when multiple fists come flying his way. He still needs to be physically strong and fast enough to be able to intercept all of those strikes and counter all those holds. He needs to watch the moves play out with his glasses, causing many blind spots in his vision where he is completely vulnerable to attack. Yet in the movie we see that he is never caught by this trap. He needs to then process that short film the glasses just showed him in his brain, and he still needs to invent and deploy moves of his own to actually beat his opponents.
Logic - For him to make use of the glasses, even if they could accurately show him the fights before they happen, which is impossible in it’s own right, would require him to have a photographic memory, lightning fast cognitive processing abilities, the reflexes of a cat, flawless combat technique and peak human strength, speed, and endurance. In short, he would have to be super human.
Logic - It’s important to note that the sunshades would severely limit his vision and won't stay on his head in a fight.
- The glasses has a camera in it that lets him see!
Logic - A camera does not record an image at the exact same time that an image is taking place in reality. There is a slight delay in the recording, which we must subtract from Donovan’s reflex time, which is already tiny as it is, to the point where I’m pretty certain that the camera’s lag time actually slightly exceeds the time that Donovan has to react against a peak human fighter like Hayate. Never mind the others, who he later fights all at once.
Logic - We see that when the sunshade’s video of Hayate’s fight prediction comes in, Dr Donovan adapts his moves to easily beat Hayate, who’s moves throughout the real fight, are the exact same as what was predicted by the sunshades. This is ridiculous because as Donovan adapts his moves, than logically, Hayate, being a gifted fighter, would adapt his style and change his moves to counter Donovan’s adaptation, and so the original fight prediction would be rendered useless. This entire technology relies on fights being more simple than a game of rock paper scissors.
Alright there we go. The crowing jewel of suck. This movie wasn’t exactly Citizen Kane to start with, in fact it was an outright terrible experience, but not that far and away below other bad movies. This plot hole of plot holes however, turns the entire premise into an irredemable mess. This is film making at it very worst.
Pervology kicks Hayate into the wooden nightmare of a tower that the bimbo trio made a hash of trying to climb earlier. Hayate is falling to his death but Wiggy however comes out of nowhere and somehow catches a fully grown man who has already fallen some thirteen stories. The movie knows full well how stupid this is, and again cheats by having Wiggy catch him in a completely implausible way. When he’s falling, we can see there’s nothing but empty space and certain death underneath him. Then suddenly she appears, grabs him, and then suddenly there is the solid floor underneath them, and they’re just fine. How in hell did that happen? Teleportation? In the games’ storyline both these characters can teleport, but if they‘re only now giving these character their powers from the games, than why does Hayate even need Wiggy to catch him if he can just teleport to safety himself?
Wiggy then hugs and passionately french kisses her brother, Hayate.
(!!)
You want that again?
They FRENCH KISS.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
If this is standard practice in the ninja clan... that explains way too much about these characters.
Swiftly moving on.
Max tries to open the vault. Weatherby’s still “on it”.
Stupidly, Dr Pervology offers to sell his shades to “buyers from all over the world”. Seeing how these “buyers” have no idea of what he’s "selling", this makes no sense whatsoever. Pervology then thanks them for their “down payments”. Down payments? This guy looks like the illegitimate lovechild of Hugh Heffner and Steven Seagal and they’re trusting him with down payments? They still have no idea what they‘re paying for, so Pervology immediately sends them the “download program”. Right, so I expect that after examining this program they will come to the same conclusions I have. That his shades don’t work and even if they did work, they would require a demigod to make them work, and will promptly tell Pervology to piss off
You want that again?
They FRENCH KISS.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
If this is standard practice in the ninja clan... that explains way too much about these characters.
Swiftly moving on.
Max tries to open the vault. Weatherby’s still “on it”.
Stupidly, Dr Pervology offers to sell his shades to “buyers from all over the world”. Seeing how these “buyers” have no idea of what he’s "selling", this makes no sense whatsoever. Pervology then thanks them for their “down payments”. Down payments? This guy looks like the illegitimate lovechild of Hugh Heffner and Steven Seagal and they’re trusting him with down payments? They still have no idea what they‘re paying for, so Pervology immediately sends them the “download program”. Right, so I expect that after examining this program they will come to the same conclusions I have. That his shades don’t work and even if they did work, they would require a demigod to make them work, and will promptly tell Pervology to piss off
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